maybe you're going to be the one that saves me
by words end here
Summary: AU. Pre-6x24, set just after 6x23. When tragedy overwhelms Tree Hill once more, only one woman has the capability to pull Lucas out of his darkness. How can Brooke save him and herself? Brooke/Julian, BLP. Oneshot.


**Maybe you're going to be the one that saves me**

**A/N: **Firstly, this is not a Brooke/Lucas shipping story. This is a Brooke character story which focuses on her reactions and her thoughts, which I feel have been neglected for a while now. So yeah, no happy BL ending here, more like the BL unfinished business concept and my opinion that Brooke's character should not be demeaned, as that's been done enough. I started writing this just after 'Forever and almost always' but I didn't get it done in time before the finale, so that makes this story very AU. I'm glad Peyton didn't die – but how much more dramatic would it have been if she did? (:

* * *

You knew.

The desperation in her eyes, the plea. The tone of her voice, it was just all too telling for you not to know.

_I do not want Lucas to be alone, or the baby...or you._

You wanted to dismiss her instructions out of simple fear, after all that's what mothers do. They worry and you know this because you've been doing the job for a while now and you're grasping the many aspects of what it means to be a mother, what it means to put another life before your own and because you know you're not truly living until you've found something to die for.

And you also knew to, that family ties are there for a reason. Both her mothers passed, and as she put her hands on your arms you couldn't help but feel that this was the third round of a vicious cycle coming back to repeat the circle all over again. It was twisted. It was utterly terrifying. And the worst part was that it was all too real.

The most surprising aspect was how she told you. And how you both were so mature enough as to accept the simple truth; these three hearts had not been severed. They were still bound. It was still there and it was always going to be there, you, Brooke Penelope Davis, Lucas Eugene Scott and Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer.

You disgusted yourself at your thoughts and hers. You had watched enough of Grey's Anatomy (unrealistic, but whatever) to know that there is a six sense, there is a feeling, there is a warning and the sense, the feeling and the warning had overcome your blond best friend quite some time ago. Being Brooke Davis, being pinned as the shallow, less than capable cheerleader at high school, the brunette knows that truly, nobody knows you better than yourself.

You buried any emotion stirred at the prospect of her death or her wedding to the guy that you were once in love with. There's no denying it anymore, all three of you are old enough to acknowledge that he was in love with you both at different times and that you and your best friend would always be best friends because if Lucas Scott can't come between a friendship; then not much can.

And so you held the wedding dress up against yourself just once, because all of us are allowed just one momentary fit of weakness. After all, Peyton could relate to this. You actually allowed her two of those moments and granted forgiveness. So she could forgive you just thinking, because you wouldn't dare act on anything. You loved them dearly and you can't say you thought their wedding would never happen because they were inevitable. Sometimes you completely resented that fact, other times it gave you faith and warmed your heart but everything related to your best friend these days breaks your heart.

"_And we all get to witness today, a dream come true."_

Your other great friend knew all the same things that you did. Their 'epic' romance was a dream. The type of romance that existed only previously in Cinderella and all the other fairytales that gave you unreachable expectations, the fairytales that pass onto us all those same unreachable expectations. You wanted to think that you and Peyton knew better, because when you're seventeen, you just know everything. Then he came along. Prince Charming, the boy who had risen from obscurity to play basketball and break hearts, the boy you had been waiting for. He seized your attention immediately and it hasn't deterred since. And on the day of their wedding, the day their dream comes true, you can't say you didn't muse about how it could have been Brooke Penelope Scott just once again, one last time, although the feeling was mixed and combined with an overwhelming sense of hope because you saw their dream come true. It was _your_ dream. How could it not be? Marriage was such an evident theme in your relationship with him. And so that night, you come to the conclusion that yes, you could have made a perfect Scott wife. Because he's Broody, you're Cheery and nothing can change the fact that your polarized differences balance each other out the way no one else can achieve. Lucas and Peyton were soul mates; you watched it over the years and actually accepted it. You forced yourself everyday to accept that because only one of you could have him completely. One girl would be happy with a husband and a family and the other would simply have to find someone else to love, someone that wasn't him. And because you love that girl, you resigned yourself to the acceptance that everyone else has resigned themselves too a long time ago. They belonged together and their other people were just other people. Jake, Nathan, Lindsey and you. Just other people.

Which is why it sickens you to your stomach more than ever that you straightforwardly rejected a man that offered you everything. And you weren't just another person to him. _You were the person. _He came for you. You were the girl who stood out to him. His girl in that wretchedly beautiful book that had set the tone for the most memorable days in high school and the book that set the tone for many days to come.

You can't recall ever seeing Peyton happier, although you had the seen the same grin on Lucas's face before.

It was his fatal flaw. He could make you feel like the only one whenever he felt like it. Whether he's telling you to stay in town because _I wasn't ready to lose you yet _or he's proclaiming his love for you for everyone to see because _I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis_, your heart can only snap in two once more whenever he tells your best friend _I love you. I always have and I always will. _

You promise yourself for the umpteenth time that this is the last time he'll take your heart and snap it carelessly.

Lucas is great with words; he has a gift others envy. It is a gift that has mislead many over the years, namely yourself. Of course, you have a gift too and had it not been for the boy, you know deep down it would not have been nurtured. When he broke your heart, you broke the old Brooke Davis. Instead you drowned yourself in clothes and creativity. Instead, you found other things to consume you in the manner in which he did. It cannot be doubted, when you were with him, you were with him on every level, completely in sync.

You're resting on your huge king size bed, all alone tonight when the call comes through. It's frantic, it's needy and it's completely terrifying.

The girl you love is giving birth and from Lucas's tone it's not okay. The blond man who was Peyton's saviour over the years has never sounded so completely dismantled.

You don't have to get dressed because upon returning home, you couldn't summon a lot of energy to do anything really. You dropped your eight hundred dollar Chanel clutch on the floor along with the keys to your BMW and silently mourned the end of an era. And it's not like your favourite snarky brunette teenager who is just like your best friend is here to share any of it with. You didn't tell her about you and Lucas, there was no need. When she once commented on how lucky Lucas and Peyton were to have each other and how good they looked together you let it pass, because you'd made a habit of doing so.

Little did you know that you were going to be a bad habit soon enough.

She had already slipped away by the time you clattered down the hospital corridors with Haley.

She's gone. You knew. Haley had been stressing the whole journey to the hospital in your car but what she said only went in one ear and out the other. You couldn't register a thing because the person you loved the most of all was staring death in the face and smiling. You only felt your hands tremble on the steering wheel and the single tear flowing down your cheek, leaving a river of black down your face. It was a beautiful day, a wonderful day and it was being marred. This wasn't how the story was supposed to progress. They were supposed to be the blonde Nathan and Haley.

_Supposed_ to be.

The thing about destiny is it's either your best friend or your worst enemy.

And destiny likes to play with lives and it's a player that rarely challenges upon a moment of choosing.

When you enter her room the tears are already flowing but then your gaze lands on her peaceful facial expression and your hand flies to your mouth, your breath hitches and you realize that you didn't really know, but _now _you do and life cannot be the same.

You don't stay in the room. Instead you stumble just outside, fall against the fall and allow yourself to slide down against it, just as the tears start sliding endlessly down your cheeks.

Losing track of all sense of time, you lie on the ground for a long, long time. Julian, along with Sam approach you and they try to cajole you into living again but it's just far too soon for that.

So instead, he sits down beside you whilst Sam takes a seat on the other side of the corridor. Truth be told, she really doesn't know why she's here. She never really knew Peyton all that well, but she knew Brooke well enough to know that this girl was such a big part of her world that if it was to be removed, Brooke would have to reshape her life all over again.

Just like she reshaped her life after she lost her first love.

Your eye's lock with hers. It's a torturous, conflicted stare that is searching for answers. _Why did you leave? When did you decide? How did you decide? Did I really mean all that much to you or was I your in-between-er?_

It's the same question that has plagued you with sorrow and confusion all your life.

_Am I just another girl in someone else's story? _

You break the gaze to find his hand on your knee. He's looking at you too, with longing and love. You force a weak smile his way.

"She'd be telling us to drag our asses up and go and comfort Luke." You half muse, half laugh. He then chuckles sadly. It's true, not a single person knows her quite like you do. He strokes a lock of dark hair behind your ear and you kiss his cheek, take his hand and go inside.

It's Haley. It's Lucas. It's you and Julian. No one else. Nathan's home with Jamie and the child doesn't know yet. You smile at the thought of him, he couldn't understand. He was a child, he was innocent and it wasn't his fault that he didn't understand just how Aunt Peyton went away. How could he comprehend this if you can't?

Lucas is seated at the left side of her bed, her hand clasped in his. He's heard the Doctors explanation. He couldn't help but lash out when the Doctor attempted to explain this. How do you explain the death of someone so young? You don't. When someone this young, although with flawed genetic make up (but don't we all have that?) dies, you don't explain. You can reject it defiantly and drown in sorrow for a good amount of your days, or you can accept it, rebuild your life and decide to live again.

Knowing him, knowing her, they're both so alike and they were both self-destructive. What with Peyton dabbling in drugs and him going on benders the last time he was rejected.

And just as you contemplate your lowest point yet, along comes the girl that can lift you up again.

Her name is Grace Elizabeth Scott (of course Lucas doesn't know this _yet_) and she's seven pounds and five ounces of blond perfection.

When she's taken inside the room and his gaze lands on her for the first time, it's too much. He begins to sob manically and walks out of the room to collapse in his own mother's arms.

So this leaves you to do the honours. You're the first one to hold her. You take the seat Lucas had occupied and bundled the precious life in your arms and through your last tears, grinned ridiculously, so much so that you knew and felt that it was totally inappropriate for the situation.

"Hello Sunshine," you can't help but call her this, it's the hair. "Welcome to the world." You whisper. You take your friend's hand in yours. You feel this pull at your heart; you can't describe it in any other way because what you need is a miracle, for Peyton's eyes to open, for a miracle. Haley then takes the baby girl and cradles her as you cry. Then the baby starts crying and that's when the realization hits. You have to be strong, at least for tonight. You have to be strong for the child that's going to need you.

And so when you go into the bathroom to clean yourself up, you glance into the mirror and he's standing behind you at the door.

"This is the ladies." Had you been yourself at the time, you would have laughed at him. But of course, laughter seems impossible for a while.

"I love you so much." He proclaims it in the most earnest tone you've ever heard. "And I thought after tonight...but obviously we can't..."

"Julian." You state desperately. "Right now you have to understand that there's going to be a lot of tears over the next...while. So no, right now we can't be together. Right now we can't run off to Los Angeles or anywhere for that matter. I have to stay here and make sure everyone's okay. That's what I have to do. And if I don't fit into your life that way...well I'm sorry, I am. But this is something I have to do." The sentences escape your lips in a tired, exasperated tone.

"I know Brooke." He answers timidly, uncharacteristically.

"No...No you don't know. You loved her, I get that. This is the girl who was my...she was my family."

"But I know you're the other girl in the book." He informs you, knowingly.

"What? What does that mean?" You question, already knowing.

"You _know _what I mean Brooke. You're going to be the one that's there for him every day Peyton's dead. You're going to be the one who's the baby's mother figure. You're gonna be the one who saves him." His voice cracks towards the end of his last sentence, his eyes widening, imploring your reassurance.

But you can't reassure him of anything. If your best friend can suddenly cease to exist in a matter of minutes, how can you guarantee a single occurrence?

"If I don't, who will?" You question.

"He has Nathan and Haley-

"And Nathan and Haley are a family, their own family. They don't have the same time I do to save Luke from himself –

"Ever think you might need saving? Because you do Brooke Davis. And when you realize that and you will – I'm still going to be here, waiting for you."

And with that promise, he swiftly kisses your forehead and leaves.

Everyone is in the room now, including Nathan and his son. You and Nathan nod curtly at each other. And as the hours of silence drag on, eventually it's just and him with her. One of her hands in yours, one of her hand's in his. You let her go to tend to the baby once again. You pick her up and smile at her again.

"Lucas...you have to name her." You wanted to say we, but that would drag up a whole other set of issues that didn't need dragging tonight.

His hand flies to his forehead in complete anxiety. "Of course...I...I forgot." Another tear slides rapidly down his face. He quickly wipes it away, thinking you weren't looking.

"Did you guys have your heart set on anything?" You inquire.

"For a boy we were going to go with Sawyer Keith...I don't know, we were both certain we were going to have a boy for some reason. But I think Elizabeth should be her middle name...definitely."

"Definitely." You agree. It's a legacy of hers you hope never fades away. "She never told me what she wanted..."

"She liked Penelope, actually." His mouth curls into a half smile for literally a second before reverting back to his sad, empty expression.

"Not that I should even have influence over this...but she looked like a Grace to me. Just beautiful." Your eyes met his and you can already tell he agrees. "And I never really believed in having a child completely named after someone...this one right here? She's already one of a kind."

He looks at her mother once again and whispers, "How could she be anything else?"

And when Grace Elizabeth Scott's eyes open to reveal luminous green orbs, you can't help but feel that in itself is nothing short of a miracle.

* * *

There had been dark days for you recently. Honestly, most of them are terrible, low days and at best, Grace is the only reason you're still here. You know this because every time Victoria gave you the same quasi "Oh I'm your mother now" act and Sam doesn't call, you'd read a story to or just hold Grace and you don't know where it came from, a but strength and hope came from somewhere.

Her funeral is the worst single experience you've ever endured.

Nathan and Haley remains a strong unit. A few tears are shed but it's nothing on the level that you and Lucas are sobbing on.

He turns up reeking of smoke and alcohol, even with his tie loosened and top button open. Part of you wants to slap him and tell him to pull it together for himself and his daughter, but he just can't. So instead you look on with pity in your eyes. He's allowed to cry and be mess for a certain amount of time before you'll rebuke him.

"How have you been doing?" Julian asks, clearly enthralled to see you again. You beam at him and take his hand.

"Honestly...not so good." He squeezes your hand lightly, reassuringly.

"My offer still stands." He says encouragingly.

When you glance over at Nathan, he's busy supporting Lucas. The man is so drunk and broken he can barely support himself.

"My work isn't done yet." You indicate, nodding in Luke's direction. Julian sighs.

"Peyton always made him sound so invincible."

"He has just lost his wife. The girl he's loved for a long, long time-

"And the girl's heart he broke shouldn't have to pick up the pieces."

"Maybe you're right. Yes, you are...but I made a promise to Peyton. She knew, Julian. And I can't say I went into this unaware."

"My offer still stands." He repeats, leaving you once again.

* * *

There's incessant knocking on your door.

"Sam." You greet, surprised at the sight of her.

Both of you stand there for a prolonged amount of time. It's not needed; this staring. You call her weekly, all you get is voicemail. No calls back. Not even a casual e-mail. Nothing.

"I'm so sorry." Her voice is cracked and without any words whatsoever, you envelope her in a hug.

* * *

It's exactly two months after her death when he decides to sober up.

He stumbles out of your guest bedroom. It's where the three of you have stayed ever since the night she died. You couldn't leave him alone out of fear of what he'd do. You'd seen the state he'd been in before when she didn't accept his proposal. The room reeks of booze before he closes the door and looks apologetic.

"Grace is asleep and she's just been fed." You inform him. You'd pictured moments like this all too many times before, back in the days where it was you and him who were supposed to have a family. The moments you pictured weren't plagued with this sorrow.

"Brooke..." he begins, gulping. He looks incredibly shameful, "I'm sorry." He was struggling to find the words, you know because he struggled to find them five years ago when you left him.

Except you never _really _left him.

"Lucas I'm going to be here for her and you...as long as it takes." You reassure him, smiling weakly.

"You can't Brooke. You have a life to live –

"And I'll get back to it once you start living yours. Peyton asked me to be here for both of you and regardless if she asked me or not, I'd still be here for you. So you're going to have to just let me." You declare half stern, half optimistic.

"You're amazing Brooke Davis." He gives you a half smile before going to check on Grace.

"I know." You whisper as he fades away into his girl's room.

* * *

Whenever she wasn't around, you were the sea he swam in. He drowned in you, not caring how much it actually meant to you or what the consequences were. He needed to numb himself.

And so for a while, you let him get lost.

It is six months, two weeks and a day when he begins to write again. Peyton inspired him so many times before, as an individual. However when you look at what he's lately written on his laptop (he's in a meeting with his publishers and well, it's not like he'd let you all the way in anyway) it's Grace who inspires this one. The memory of Peyton is still evident and some lines actually make _you _smile.

"I was going to ask for your opinion eventually." He tells you knowingly.

"Sure you were." You smile knowingly. "I think it's great so far Luke, I do."

"It's still rough around the edges...still needs some work." He says gruffly, trying to cover up the fact that he's flattered.

"All of us need that." You reply. He nods slowly in agreement and runs a hand through his hair as you exit the room; you put your hand on his shoulder in encouragement. When it falls away, his takes you wrist.

"I'm sorry if this has been strange for you." He chokes up.

"Stop apologising Lucas. Was it strange for you with Angie and I?" It's a rhetorical question, but his answers always seem to surprise you.

You take his hand from your wrist slowly.

"Yes. At the time it was." He admits. "It was...strange for me. Because I was so lost then Brooke, not knowing what I really wanted. Then I came to this house and I have somewhere safe. A place where things were clearer. Then there were the other time when I thought of what could have been."

"Between you and Peyton?" You correct.

"No. You." He says with shame. He shouldn't be saying these things – he knows. But has that ever stopped him before?

"I know that I...I know that I've complicated things beyond belief. I know. Brooke you should go." He forces the words out tightly.

"What do you mean?" You ask. You know what he means.

"I mean you shouldn't waste yourself on me. Go be with Julian –

"It's been months, Luke and –

"It's not too late for the people who are supposed to be together in the end." He reminds you. You'd never thought you'd hear your words being reiterated to you; how things have changed.

"Do you love me?" You ask, even though you don't have a valid reason to do so apart from the fact that this needs to be ended. Whatever this is.

"I love you enough to know I never was or will be good enough for you. I love you enough to tell you to go to the guy that is." He says all too sadly.

In a way you were expecting and waiting for this moment, where he'd give you away forever without any romantic undertones or any remarks from him reminding you of what could have been. You had been there for him unconditionally for the months since Peyton died and maybe now your job was done.

You were waiting for both of you to finally let go.

"Oh Luke." You smile at him, completely defeated. You hug him. The embrace is awkwardly comfortable and you wonder what a certain blond woman would think of all this.

* * *

You pack your bags frantically. You can't wait to see him. If the thought of seeing him makes your legs turn to jelly and lips curl up in a grin, you don't know what actually seeing him is going to do to you.

"_You're coming?" _He asked in sheer excitement.

"_I know it's late but I – _

"_I don't care; all that matters is you're coming." _

"Do you need any help?" The only other boy you've ever loved is giving you déjà vu. All of a sudden you're seventeen again and leaving for the summer.

"No thanks." You say in appreciation. "Lucas are you sure you don't want me to stay for another week or so?"

"Brooke you've been so supportive of me, I don't know what I would have done without you." He muses. Haley is spending time with Grace to your disappointment; you wanted to bid her a real goodbye. You knew you'd be back though; after all, home is where the heart is.

"Peyton made me promise I wouldn't leave you or the baby alone. I intend to keep that promise. So if I'm ever needed, you know where I'll be." You say in reassurance.

"I'm gonna be okay Brooke. You and Grace made me believe that eventually." His words are heartfelt and real.

"Peyton would want you to be happy, Luke." You confirm with a small smile. "So don't believe that because she isn't here is some sign that you don't deserve that."

With you bags packed and the cab honking outside, you make your way out of your home. He wraps you in one final hug.

"Brooke, do you ever...think you could forgive –

"Lucas. I have to go." You smile. This time there's no tears though. No thoughts of what could have been or how things would be had Peyton made a different decision, had Peyton been alive.

* * *

He's here.

He's here, all cocky grin and bright eyes.

Without even pausing to think or talk, you run towards him like you've been running for all of your life.

And in a way, you know you have.

He sweeps you off your feet; literally.

"I've been waiting for you." He whispers in your ear. "Is everything taken care of?"

"Everything."

"_And we all get to witness today, a dream come true."_

Except today, it's your turn. Today, it's your dream come true.

* * *

**A/N: **Just in case, if any 'It's still there' readers are reading, I'll have to new chapter up as soon as it's done, I just want it to be perfect. Thanks for reading and please take the time to review.


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